Sunday, January 6, 2008
Sashimi Grade Tuna Medallions
Have you ever really wanted to slice someone's jugular vein with a dull filet knife? Well, then you understand how I feel about the creator of these God-awful, red, shiny, clusterfucks. They are delicious. I've sliced up a few and eaten them with some sheets of nori for a quick lunch, many times. They are cheap this week (Sale: $5.99lb). But why, oh why in the name of all that's holy do they have to be so MANY DIFFERENT SIZES??? They bring out the picky, fastidious bastard in every customer. "No, not that one. Uppp..... no, left. Left!! My left. Down. No, no, no! See that guy hiding behind the kale? Yeah, that guy. Nopee, too many white thingies." FUCK! And then there are the people who always want the "biggest one's you've got." As far as I've know, medallion does not mean a huge, overweight steak. It's a small piece. They arrive at our store frozen, in a five pound brick of tuna, which is a bitch to thaw, especially on short notice. You are supposed to wait until the whole pack is pliable. Some people (coughClaycough) don't give a damn and wrench it apart while it's half-frozen, leaving big-ass fingerprints and rough-looking edges. Nobody wants those, and you have to find a non-picky customer or a wanderer who strays from the counter while you get their fish, allowing you to sneak the offending chunk in. Tuna has a pretty consistent fanbase. Mostly White people, almost always over twenty-five. A lot of people who purchase it ask weird questions. "Is this Ahi tuna?" Well, maam. If the sign says "Yellowfin Tuna", I guess that could spell Ahi in your own special language. "Do you have to put any type of chemical on it to eat it as sashimi?" Of course! A thin spritz of Clorox Clean-Up will give you that authentic Japanese tang. ...... O_o..