Saturday, February 2, 2008
Before anything else, I wonder. Why doesn't everyone get a discount for falling in a certain demographic? Why not Asian Day? Or how about Fabu-Friday for homosexuals? Or Blind Day. Or Goofy Corduroy Slacks-AND-Crocs-On-A-Man Day?Jesus Christ! I suppose there is a bit of comfort in knowing that these special people don't have that much time left to throttle every ounce of patience, sanity and compassion out of my shrimp-tail scarred body. Every Thursday at Hairy Peter is Cryptkeeper's Discount Day. Fuck the fucking fuck.. Giving them this discount is like screaming at the top of your lungs in a bingo hall, "Free Entitlement Whore Lessons HERE!! AND FREE SAMPLES TOOOOO!!!" The seniors completley murder those free samples from the Bread, Cheese, And Deli Department, making little toothpick kabobs and sandwiches and shit, so when you ask "How are you doing today Maam/Sir?" you either get a "talk to the hand" gesture while they finish chomping, sometimes with their mouth open, or they answer you with a mouthful of food, spraying crumbs that are lightly scented with Sutter Home and dental creme all over your clean case glass. And that is, if you actually have the luck to get an old person that will actually return a greeting. I swear to bootleg, I try my best to say hello to every Joe Schmoe that strolls past the counter, but some people make me want to duct tape my mouth shut and communicate solely with sign-language. I greet them three times, getting louder each time, and on the third "Hey maam, need any help," I get, "WE'RE LOOKING!!!" Gee, you freakin AIDSmuffin. Maybe fuckin say so next time? Just a simple shake of your head is all I need, and I will leave you the hell alone. I promise.