Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Oh Snap! The Health Inspector?

She was here a month ago... and left grown men trembling in fear at her wake....... You never, ever know when she will be back. You are helping a customer, or putting away some cod, and BOOYAH!!! Right in your face, son. She is the health inspector, and God have mercy on the poor souls who are unprepared for her return. We'd just had the cutting boards resurfaced when she came in with the store manager, Hee Haw, yesterday. He had a look on his face that said, (when her back was turned) "I swear to chips and salsa, this shit better be clean up in here." I immediatley launched into the bust-my-ass last minute detail mode, but several Cryptkeepers lined up at the counter, like clockwork, completely derailing my plan. As soon as I was freed from their ghastly clutches, I sneaked over to the seafood prep sink to spray out the lone e-z peel stuck in the drain, along with some fragments of king crab cluster shell. She was examining the scales when one of our newer hamburger jockeys, "Fart", walked over to her and started making empty, pointless conversation about how he remembered how his daughter went to school with her. I was shaking my head. The last fuckin thing you want to do is talk to a health inspector while they are doing their job. They probably have a feeling that you are trying to distract them from their very important job of deciding whether or not to keep your fucking ass in buisness, so it makes them concentrate harder on the little shit they may not have noticed before. She continued to walk around, taking notes, while Fart rambled, making me want to stick my hand in the tenderizer. All of the cases were the proper temperature, the walls and floors and tracks and doors and saws and stuff were good. And let me not forget the fact that the water in the sanitizer sink was greasy because Fart kept "washing" his hands in it. They could not find a thermometer until Hee Haw asked me, about five seconds before they walked out the door. Now, they asked Fart, who did not know.. Why in the fuck would they ask me as a last resort?!! I work in the department that actually uses it! (It was next to the microwave, where it always is... Unless the Meat department needs one, seriously. Are they grilling fuckin steaks back there? WTF?) And also, I'm not sure if they ever found the market manager's ServSafe certificate, which gives us two extra points on the grade. No word on the grade yet, but I should be able to find out today. Which, I might add, is my first extra-long shift; 10:30 to 9:00pm. That's because it's Ash(ASS) Wednesday, which kicks off the beginning of Lent. Lent is like, say, the mother of all holidays for seafood. It shows alot about the strength of your department. If your team is fucked during Lent, all of yall need to find another occupation. It brings in the worst people you will probably wait on all year. That, coupled with the fact that I had three mystery shops that I did not greet the customer fast enough in, makes this a crucial holiday for me. I guess I will go polish up my lips for some serious butt kissing. The next post will be a doozy....

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